How it all began

Have you ever felt like a complete failure?

I’ve been battleing this problem on various levels pretty much my whole life.

I was the fat kid, I was the awkward teenager and now I’m the depressed adult. I was doing good for 3 years, but 5 months ago my biggest trigger returned. I lost my job...again.

That’s second time in 5 years since I left school. Now I would be totally fine with it if it was because of a poor performance, but I gave it all I’ve got and at the end they fire me, because they don’t have enough money to pay me. WTF?! So I fell down the black hole of depression once more. This time it was different though. This time it was worse...much worse. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t think about anything else and I was suddenly crushed with this overwhelming sense of dread, I just couldn't do it anymore!

I don’t really have friends and my parents don’t understand, because they never went through this, they’ve been in their jobs their whole life. I felt like I was all alone on this Earth.

But things and people have their way of showing up when you need them the most even if they live across the globe from you.

One day I was feeling very bad and my anxiety was through the roof, so I was aimlessly wandering the YouTube depths till it led me to this video about mixed media backgrounds on Kelly Donovan’s channel – Knitting and things. I was intrigued!! She was so funny and genuine that I laughed out loud in like three seconds and it was my first laugh in a long time.

So I watched couple of her videos and researched the subject a little bit and I fell in love with it. I’ve always wanted to do art, but I can’t really draw so I thought I couldn’t do it. Kelly begs to differ. She taught me that you can do whatever you want and without spending millions.

In February I started my first art journal. I had this old diary from work, so I glued every three pages together to make them sturdier and bought a tub of gesso, to cover the dates and notes in it. I had acrylic paints from my previous DIY endeavors, couple of decorative napkins, decoupage glue and some stamps so I was set.

4 months later I’m starting my second journal – again an old diary from work, I made this website and started to make my own YouTube videos. My stash grew a little, but I’m crammed in a tiny room already full of stuff, so I have to go easy and besides I don’t have any income yet. I’m still anxious now and then, but I don’t want to end it all anymore. And when I get sad, I have my art to make it better.

And how should I end this post? Well only by the most important thing of course – by thanking Kelly for teaching me how to be happier, bringing a smile to my face and for probably saving my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being awesome!!

Kelly's channel: www.youtube.com/channel/UCedY0ov_AMnbEJv3YkB6fWw

My channel: www.youtube.com/channel/UCWEnFiuk2D9YZS0vl8xQKYA

#artjournal